S2E26 - Intimacy Coaching with Jess

In this insightful episode, Jess (The Playful Domme) shares her journey into intimacy coaching, explaining how her personal experiences in BDSM, sensuality, and empowerment inspired her to help others explore their own intimacy and self-expression. Jess reflects on the transformative power of creating a safe space for clients to discuss desires, boundaries, and personal obstacles. She describes her coaching approach, which combines compassionate listening with techniques to foster trust, vulnerability, and confidence in intimate relationships. Jess, alongside Lisa (The Poly Wife) and Ella (The Virgin), explores the importance of consent, self-awareness, and healthy communication in building fulfilling connections.

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🔥SHOW NOTES🔥

[00:00:00] – Welcome & Introduction: Jess, Lisa, and Ella introduce the episode’s theme of intimacy coaching and hands-on learning.

[00:02:00] – Ella’s Experience with the Tantra Chair: How a long-awaited purchase led to deeper exploration.

[00:08:00] – What Is Intimacy Coaching? Jess breaks down the process of guided intimacy exploration.

[00:15:00] – Ella’s First Yoni Massage Experience: Letting go of shame and fully surrendering to pleasure.

[00:22:00] – Why Slow Touch Changes Everything: How small adjustments in pace and pressure transform intimacy.

[00:30:00] – Lisa’s Take on Rushing Sex & Why It’s a Mistake: Why most people don’t take enough time to warm up.

[00:38:00] – The Importance of Non-Penetrative Pleasure: Exploring sensuality beyond the goal of orgasm.

[00:45:00] – Final Thoughts & Listener Challenge: The hosts encourage listeners to experiment with slowing down and trying new touch techniques.

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🔥RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED🔥

• The Playful Podcast Website – Exclusive after-hours content, workshops, and events: www.theplayfulpodcast.com

• The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin – Understanding personal boundaries and pleasure dynamics.

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – Exploring female desire and intimacy.

• Lisa’s Coaching on Intimacy & Relationship Dynamics – Helping individuals embrace pleasure and deeper connection.

• Tantra Chair by Zen By Design – A luxurious furniture piece designed for comfort and intimacy.

Transcript

Jess the Playful Domme: 0:12

Welcome to the playful Dom, the Poly Wife and the Virgin Podcast, where we share our most intimate stories, experiences, and details of our love lives, our intimacy lives, our play lives, and giving you the opportunity to gaze in and get a glimpse of what could be possible in your life as well. As we share our stories, our adventures, we weave in tips. tricks and techniques to help build your confidence, boost your courage and give you the opportunity to ask for what you want in your life. Welcome to the podcast. Oh, and just a couple of quick thoughts before we get started. One, we are just everyday people. We are not professionals, licensed therapists, anything like that. This is for edutainment purposes only. This is not medical advice or legal advice, financial advice, none of the like that. Listen at your own discretion. And this is for mature audiences. We're going into deep subjects and sharing deeply about intimacy and all the things about that. So just notice who you're around and let's go. Hello, everyone. And welcome to the latest episode of the Playful Dom, the Polywife and the Virgin podcast, where we come together as ladies to share about our adventures into our growth of intimacy, connection, and all the juicy things have to do with relationships and friendships and all of that. Today, we are talking about Hawaii and about the Tantra chair that has finally arrived in Ella's house after a long, um, awaited debut. So let's start with the chair. How is it Ella?

Ella the Virgin: 2:00

Oh, good morning, everyone. Well, as Jess was mentioning, um, I wanted this, or I saw this Tantra chair years and years ago, and it came to me, uh, I was working at a waterproof blanket company. It's actually an outdoor blanket, and we kept getting these repeat orders for this, this company. It was called, it's called the Zen by Design, I think is what it's called. Anyway, and so finally, the owner, uh, of the, of the blanket company, myself, we called and said, Hey, you know, I'm just curious, what are you doing with all these blankets? Well, come to find out they were added, they offered them as an accessory to the Tantra chair. So of course, here I am with my boss, you know, and I'm like, we're like, and they have the most beautiful, sensual videos. And so we're like looking through them. And anyway, so ever since that, it's been 15 years. I wanted to share. So either the partner wasn't right. The timing wasn't right. Who knows? So after eight long weeks of waiting, cause they're all handmade custom made, um, out of Arizona, it arrived. So it arrived like three days prior to leaving to Hawaii. Um, and then my boyfriend actually showed up because of course we were leaving and it was like, He's super excited as I am to try it, but it was rushed. So the first time was very rushed. So I need to report back on that when we have a little bit of time, which it's, of course, is this weekend, but it is a luxurious piece of furniture. Um, it's super comfortable. Again, the first, the first try, uh, the first go, um, lots of nice different positions and stuff, but we need more time. So some more on that one. So, but super excited. You know, I've got employees that work here in this big box arrives and there's this big to do about it because it's raining and where do you put it? Right. So I'm trying to like sneak this chair, you know, in my room and I don't want my 17 year old son to help me with it. Anyway, it's been very comical. So very comical. And there's no reason why I shouldn't just, you know, I mean, should be open about it, but it's just been, it's been, it's been pretty, pretty funny.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 4:02

Did you tell your employees what it was?

Ella the Virgin: 4:05

No, they just knew that I had a custom piece of furniture made, but the guys who delivered it, we had a torrential downpour that day, and they don't want to leave it outside, but I have a wraparound porch, so they called me and said, just leave it under the wraparound porch, but my, my employees were like, well, what did you get? I heard you got a chair, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. And it's like six feet long. It's not like a chair, right? It's not a normal chair. So anyway, So that's my story. So to be, to be continued. So maybe next week I'll share about it, but so again, can't wait.

Jess the Playful Domme: 4:39

I don't know if, I don't know if Ella can continue to be called the Virgin. I don't know. She's kind of coming out of her closet a little bit more. We might have to upgrade her, her name, her moniker.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 4:52

Ella the Virgin, she can be Ella the Neophyte.

Ella the Virgin: 4:55

Yeah. Yeah. So then, of course, as we talked about on our last podcast, Jess was in Maui and, um, we actually had a trip planned to go to the big island. And so I talked to my boyfriend and for our listeners, I'm very vanilla. I really am. Um, my current lover current, he's a great lover, um, which is great. He's open enough. He's conservative yet. He's open enough. And so I was so, so since this podcast, I've been trained to say, Hey, you know, let's go and meet with Jess. Cause I'm very, very curious about. Um, scarf play and you talk about, you know, you know, the sensual play and touch, you know, all the, all the stuff we've talked about, and I'm very interested. And so you of course then that how to build a sex room came up so I watched it with him, you know, to kind of get some feedback it's kind of like these small little steps and he's open maybe I'm the one who's worried away he's going to respond. I don't know. Anyway, so Jess was in Maui and we just happened to be on the big island and we were with another couple and it was like awkward. I'm like, God, I can't take like two days. You know, I don't feel right. I could, I should have to go two days to spend with Jess. Right. So just was gracious enough to text and say, Hey, I'll come over. Okay. And I'm like, Oh God, thank you. You know, like, thank you. So we met for lunch and injustice, fabulous style. Um, and I've known her for, I mean, many, many years. So I, my trust is with Jess. I mean, I've talked to you guys. So, I mean, I there's, there's definitely a trust factor, but John. Still wasn't on. Right. So I'm like, okay. So we went to lunch and just, just starts talking just, just like we do very open, just, just like, it's no big deal. So then finally I just said, Hey, I'm interested in doing, having her massage me guys. I don't, and I've heard about this Yoni massage, but I don't know what this. I mean, I mean, I can guess in my head, but what I'd like to tell the listeners is that it was probably the single best experience I've ever had. And here's why. So for us, I wanted to make sure that my partner felt I was, so let me put it this way. I wanted to learn how to be a better lover. I've heard you talk about the Johnny twist and all these different ways of touching, you know, like with a man. And I'm like, Surely I know, I mean, I think I, I mean, I get it, but I, you really don't get it unless you're with a coach. So I didn't know what I would think having just touched my boyfriend. I didn't know. I, I didn't know. Um, but here's what I'll tell you. It was the most professional, educational. sensual for, for my boyfriend and I write as a coach that I've ever had. And I would say to everybody who's listening, I don't know why you wouldn't do it. I'm like kicking myself in my own ass. Why didn't I do this before? So here's what happened. So. We actually came up to meet her. We had lunch. We came up to meet her. And my intention was that he would just get a massage, right? I wanted to watch. And the best thing, and we've said this a million times I think on every one of our podcasts, is to go slow and easy. I never thought as a lover to just go and just Rub my boyfriend's cock. I never thought about just spending hours, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes. I never even thought about it. I don't even know why, right. It's a part of something. And so again, just, just showing again on, on my boyfriend, right. That I'm in love with. I had no issues. Once I was the greatest thing ever, greatest thing ever. How about this? What about that? What about this? And I'm like, Wow. Incredible. So that's phase one, right? That was great. Then I'm like, well, shoot, I want to know about this whole Yoni massage thinger. Right? So we got started, but we ran out of time. So we actually came back the following morning and selfishly I said, Hey, I'd love to be massaged myself. And I'll tell you as a woman with another woman, I've never been with another woman. Like I said, I'm very vanilla. I think you're a little bit. I feel kind of vulnerable, maybe. I guess that's the right word. It was the best experience I've ever had. Again, she was in no hurry. I mean, again, slow and kind and gentle and, um, complimentary. Right. And showing him it. Cause my boyfriend was there showing him here. Look, you don't have to be inside, right? It was all on the outside and she can talk to it a little bit more, but you don't have to be inside. Go slow and easy and try what trying this bottom line. I can't wait till next time. So that's my experience. I don't know what everybody's waiting for. I think every woman in America with their boyfriend, their husband should go and hire a coach like that. There was nothing dark, nothing scary, nothing weird. There was no jealousy, no nothing. Again, what I left going. I want more. What can you teach me? So anyway, that's her experience and he says the same thing. Here's Mr. He's not concerned by any means, but worry. He was concerned and Jess will share with that too. I would love her perspective, but I asked him, I said, I mean, what do you think? And he thought it was, he thought it was incredible. Absolutely incredible. So Jess, there's our thoughts. Thank you.

Jess the Playful Domme: 10:31

Oh my gosh. It's like such a honor and I'm, I'm so humbled and, and grateful. Um, the, I, I will say at the, at the beginning, cause it's all about play. Right. So, you know, after, after lunch, it's like, you know, let's, all right, let's have a little, a little bit of time. I had a little bit, a little bit of time and. I was originally going to start with her partner. And then I was like, you know, let's, let's actually start with, with Ella first. Um, and, and she was willing and she was open and that was great because, um, for me and the sessions, the most important thing is that, that the woman feels safe. Um, so the guy, yeah, okay, whatever, but you know, and of course he matters, but really what's the most important is that the woman feels safe. Um, Ella can share this, um, maybe. But I started out with a hold where I just held after I massaged her back and everything kind of helped her relax. Um, when it was time to do the Yoni massage part, I just cupped my hands over her Yoni and I held it and that, that piece for her. Yeah.

Ella the Virgin: 11:47

It was unbelievable. And I, I, I'm not even sure if I could put words to that again. I think it's safe. I think it's safety. Like you said, I think it's kindness. I think it's, um, safety is not really it, but kindness, right? And just, it's like, I can't, it's like a, like a hug and in no hurry again, just like a hug until you can say you can feel it and relax. So I wish I had better words.

Jess the Playful Domme: 12:15

Wow, it was, it was profound to see Ella tear up and you know, and she was saying after the first, after the first little, the little teaser piece that we did that day, that afternoon was just like, she never, been touched like that before. She never experienced anything like that before. And it was really beautiful for me because I've become so much like the, the cock whisperer, you know, just kind of working with lots of cocks and everything. So to, to have the opportunity to, um, to, to be able to touch and connect with, with Ella and Rioni was super beautiful. It was so fascinating. I, I loved how, um, how her partner was so engaged and I could feel also, so about her, yeah, being able to take the time outside the Yoni and with Alavia. Yeah. Massaging and rolling and going slow and feeling and playing with this. Um, One of my teachers, Amara Caruna, taught And so there's the clitoris and there's the hood of the clitoris, but then there's underneath the clitoris, um, like the, the, it feels like a tube. So right underneath it over the hood, you can take it and yank it and pull it. And that can be really, um, arousing and everything like that. So just having, like, it's so cool. It's so, so fascinating and beautiful and cool. So cool to have the chance to like, I call it tinkering almost just kind of like, okay, well, how does, how does it feel if we combined this move with, with this touch, with this pull and like, you know, kind of kind of with these like combination moves that are really unique and, um, and, and Unordinary in a way because of the way that they can all come together. And her partner was so attentive and, and curious, and he learns by watching. So it was really great. And then the way Ella was opening up Mm-Hmm, And so the next day when we were work, when we were, when I was, um, massaging both of them, but when I was massaging her and he kept. saying he's like, I wish she could open up to me. Like she's opening up to you. There's a part of me that feels jealous because of how she's opening up. And, and that's, um, uh, something I actually Do you hear, um, often when I've worked with couples and it's, it's not from, um, I don't maybe Ella can put the worst to it. Cause it's, it's not like I'm like some, I'm not trying to get anything. And I think that's one of the badly.

Ella the Virgin: 15:09

And, and, you know, and, and I guess maybe that's maybe, maybe you just said it, maybe that's it. Maybe you're not trying to get anything. And I, and I think it's that you're so gentle. Right. And so. Slow. It goes back to when you think you're slow, you need to go slower, and you're not in a hurry to like, okay, we did, we did this, now we got to go here, right, and then we got to go here, right, it's like, if you need to rub there, because you're, maybe you're in tune, rub there. For an hour, you would be there, maybe?

Jess the Playful Domme: 15:47

Yeah, and the cupping, even just the cupping over, like the hands over the yoni, you know, like her partner got to experience that, and just to like, do that on Ella, and Ella was like, I could be here all day with just that. Yeah. And it was so healing. My experience, my observation was that it was, it was very healing for Ella just to have that. Because again, like our, our Yoni's as women, they are portals. And I think there's sometimes with men, there's like a crosswire that happens where it's like, I see a pussy. I need to go in. This is like, It's like this physiological thing that happens in their, their monkey brain, like, or not monkey brain, but like in their animal primal brain. It's like. must enter this is the thing all all systems go kind of and to have it be like just for the sake of it you know and then what a gift what a gift in the profound intelligence of creation that our Sexual organs are pleasurable that they can be, um, exciting that they, they are sensual and everything. So it was so beautiful to do that. And then also as such an honor to, um, because I know her partner was, um, I could feel he, he wasn't, he was not going to fully let go and I was totally okay with that. Yeah, he. He couldn't, um, he, his love and devotion to Ella is so great and so deep that he was not going to let himself actually really feel aroused by my touch. And I totally respected that. And I had no issue with that at all. Um, and Ella was just. Like no holds barred. She was totally like she, her level of trust in me was so, so deep and so clear that, you know, she, she knows, again, like I would never do anything to disrupt or upset the, like, that's not the point for me to be there is to help build connection. So showing the different kinds of strokes and techniques and, and everything, um, and doing a prostate massage. And I really, I really credit and give big kudos to her partner because this was his first time meeting me, you know. It was like, we had lunch together and then, then we got to play a little bit. And then the next morning we, we did the, the things, but, um, I'm, I'm just so, I'm so grateful for, um, us to finally have this, this opportunity. And then, and I know Ella has been so excited and talked about it for like, we've been talking about this for, for years now. And so the timing all, um, worked out, but I think what was the, uh, The, I think the most beautiful, I mean, it was awesome working on Ella. Oh my goodness, just how she was just like opening up and the more turned on she was getting and, you know, and she was just like, so like on, on edge and she's just, it's just so beautiful. And, and, and again, to be in that space. Stay in space. And I, I'm honored to be there where, again, it's like, I can hold that. I can hold her, you know, moving around and like getting so excited and her body's like just all lit up and turned on. And she's like on the verge of orgasms. She's just like all right there and like, and I'm holding, I've got my hand, like, Insider holding and I'm moving it with her. And like her partner is kind of like helping hold too. And like, you know, we got all these hands, like, you know, she's just going like, you know, really letting go and like, you know, just to have, have a woman be in that kind of state of, um, surrender and enjoy, um, pleasure and, um, and, and trusting it was just so, it was so profound and I'm, you know, it's, um, Such an, I just can't stay, I can't say enough what an honor it is for couples when they, when they allow me to be in the most sacred space of theirs that they share and it's just them. And um, I, I'm not, it's interesting cause there's, there are people who will reach out to me every now and then, but I think they're secretly looking for like this fantasy way kind of experience. Or to have me be like the, the other woman kind of thing. And like, that's just not my thing. I'm a, in a, in a way I'm like a teacher. So I want to, I want to help you teach. So super, super, and it was so great to see, see you Ella, after like five years of not being in person and it just felt so easy and joyful.

Ella the Virgin: 20:44

Right. Like, yeah, it was, oh, it's so. So good. Yeah. And again, we reflected back on it. Like I said, because he was hesitant. Um, I felt selfishly that I wanted to do this again. I've talked about it. I mean, what the heck, right? I'm like 54 years old. That's the other thing listeners. I mean, I'm not a young woman anymore. You know, I've had a few kids and you know, I'm not like I once was, but it was the most. Again, it was the most beautiful experience and if I know if I knew today, you know, back then what I knew today, I think every single couple should do this and I'll say it again. I have I there was no jealousy. There was no darkness. There was no know what we would consider like I must use the word weirdness as a vanilla person. You know, all the stuff we make up in our heads. Um, it was so beautiful and, and it just made us closer. My, my partner and I much, much closer. And, um, I'm excited again. I haven't seen him in well, since it's been a week. Cause again, we got back from Hawaii and I haven't seen him. So I'm super excited to see him again. And just again, just enjoy him. Just enjoy him. And take him to a whole nother level. Cause we did practice some of them, some of the moves. And I was like, Holy smokes, he was on a whole nother, whole nother level. And I would tell you, I think we have a good, I think we're, you know, I think our love life is good. Great. Good. Beyond good, good. Plus, right. But it was great. And I can't even imagine where it goes from here. So, um, everybody I do it. Absolutely do it. Don't hesitate. That's the only thing I can say. So I'll be back.

Jess the Playful Domme: 22:26

You know, it's cool too about couples, I think sometimes they have a hard time sharing what they like or what they don't like. So for me to kind of like come in blind in a way that it's like I can. Mm hmm. And then I can do check ins. How does this feel to you? Like this, you know, whatever. And so for him, for instance, he doesn't like his, his balls played with.

Ella the Virgin: 22:49

Yeah.

Jess the Playful Domme: 22:49

It doesn't do it for him. For the other guys that I saw while I was on that trip, they were huge into it. You know, they just loved it. They loved me twisting and pulling and holding and tickling their balls and like, you know, all this stuff. They loved all of that. But for her partner, that doesn't, doesn't really do it for, for him. And so like to also like kind of help navigate and fine tune for each of them, but by me being a practitioner, so it's not like, uh, there, there's If, if they were to say like, Oh, I'm not really into that. It doesn't hit me. Right. I don't get hit by that. It doesn't bother me. Like, you know, Oh, you're not into that. Okay, cool. Not a problem. But sometimes for couples, they're so sensitive to their partner and like not doing the right thing or not feeling good or making a mistake or, you know, whatever it is. So to be able to hear from, from her partner, like, Yeah, that, that one didn't really do it for me. I'm like, Oh, Oh, okay. All right. So like, how about this? Like, okay, how about, you know, so it's just, it's, I think I'm, it also helps me become a safe port passage for them to be able to speak their truth of what they like and what turns them on or what doesn't. And, um, and it was really, really, uh, I'm trying to remove, there's a couple of moves. That I did with, on Ella with her outer labia and stuff like that. And just the moves, the, that I was able to, to do with, with rolling my thumbs up and, and pressing and, and learning again, like learning these new things that, um, Her partner's never seen before. And then for me to say, like, all of this arousal that happened and we didn't go inside.

Ella the Virgin: 24:33

That was the best thing, jess. I mean, the best thing because oftentimes, like you said, I think there's like one track mind. It's like, it's all, you don't even have to go in. That was another beautiful thing that you showed and thank you. Thank you for that.

Jess the Playful Domme: 24:49

Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's all there. There's so many nerve endings and so much excitement and I'm, I'm not very good with anatomy. I mean, like in terms of like from a scientific. Biological place, but I can feel so like, just like finding the places that, um, that elicit the arousal and then the slow arousal. Right. So it's not like, let's rush her to an orgasm. It's like, Oh, okay. Let's build her. Oh, she's getting a little excited. I'm going to calm down. I'm going to go to another spot. And then like, so there's a little bit of like edging and like, kind of like building up that arousal piece that, um, just. Because to me, for, to me, for women, for, for any male listeners who are listening is it's so great to wait for the woman's Yoni to be wet. Like lubrication, you shouldn't need lube. Um, well, I mean, it shouldn't is a quote unquote, but if you gave the time and the opportunity to warm up the yoni for her to be plump and juicy and full. And wet and like, you know, cause I know a guy can most, you know, a lot of men can bing, you know, they're, they're erect, they're ready to go. They're a rocket, you know, but the women like the Yoni, it's like, it's this flower that like, it's just kind of like opens up and it's juicy and luscious. And, you know, when you're able to, to help her warm up, it's It's only going to pay off for the guy. It's only going to pay off for him. There is no downside to a Yoni being wet and warm and juicy, but oftentimes men will get disappointed if they like feel like their partner's turned on and it seems like the moment, but the woman's not wet. And so I guess the invitation to that too, is like, don't take that as like a, a bad thing. Like there's an opportunity for like deeper connection with, with her Yoni. Yeah.

Ella the Virgin: 26:45

Fantastic. So Jess, I, I, um, obviously I have not, I, I normally generally pretty private, but since this whole experience, I was at the coffee shop and I've got some friends there. I've been sharing, I've been sharing with everybody. Are you guys going to do this? But one of the questions that couples have Especially one of my friends at the coffee shop. He's a, um, a guy he's been married for 25, 30 years, loves his wife to death. He will describe her as being a country girl, but she knows she's got a little bit more. He's like, I don't know how to bring it up to her. So do you have any suggestions? I mean, I guess. You know, my partner and I are a little bit more open. And then we, you know, like we talked about on a previous podcast is, you know, you know, how to build a sex room was kind of interesting. That's another segue, but beyond that, how do you, you can't just go up and say, Hey, what do you think about going to a, you know, an intimacy coach? Um, I think it's the best thing ever, but how do you think, what are some ways that couples can approach? Cause usually, generally I would think it would come from men saying, Hey, honey, let's go to intimacy coach. I might not work out so good. So. Do you have any thoughts on that?

Jess the Playful Domme: 27:53

I do. And I bet Lisa does too. So, um, I would actually say that your testimonials enough for him. So like for him to be like, Oh my God, like, babe, I was just talking to Ella today at the cafe. And she shared with me the wildest thing about like, she had this experience with this. Intimacy coach that she's known for years. And she like did this couples thing and she like showed, you know, the, them how to do different things to each other. And she did it in like a super professional way. And like, like, and Ellis said, it was like the singularly most profound experience she's ever had in her life. That her, her, You know, her womb or Yoni or whatever. It's like, just so like turned on, they learned all these new things. And like, what do you think, would you, do you want to, what would, would you be open to experiencing something like that or learning more? Like, what do you, you know, it's so interesting. Something like that, that could be a good start, but you, it sounds like you are the testimonial.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 28:52

Yeah. I was going to say that I usually, cause some people say, I don't even know how to bring up polyamory to my, yeah.

Ella the Virgin: 28:59

Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 28:59

Partner. It's like, why would I, I don't know how to do that. I was like, well, you can use me as it. I talked to this fascinating person today, or this really interesting topic came up and I, you don't have to say, I wanna do it. You can say, what do you think about that? Have you ever heard of Kelly? You know what I mean? Have you ever heard about an intimacy coach and, um Mm-Hmm. I think testimonials are by far the strongest. Storytellers. Right. So by being able to have a firsthand account, you're able to, and when people come to me, I say, well, just suggest my podcast. Say, Hey, I came across this. We'll send a video. You know, I came across this interesting podcast. I came across this. This woman has six partners. Holy shit. But holy crap, she and her husband make it work. Right. So using yourself as an example, or. telling people to use you as an example if you're open to that is great. Sure. I also think just the fact that you're willing to talk about it helps normalize it for people.

Ella the Virgin: 30:01

Yeah. Right. Well, yeah, like I said, it was, it was an amazing experience for us as a couple. And I think oftentimes after years and years of, you know, marriage or, or, uh, relationships. I think, you know, we could, you can always use a spice up or how are we supposed to learn all this stuff?

Lisa the Poly Wife: 30:18

Well, people, I mean, I remember, I don't know what the company is that makes sex toys and, you know, sells them as toys. Like Tupperware, right? At parties.

Ella the Virgin: 30:27

Yeah, sure.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 30:28

But it's a way for, you know, women to get together and all look at a dildo or a vibrator or the latest toy or whatever. And the stories come out, right? It's like, Oh my God, really? You know, I really need this because we'll, but. There's a way I believe that we can initiate the conversations. There are a lot of conversations that are happening in the 2010s that couldn't happen in.

Ella the Virgin: 30:54

Yeah, for sure.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 30:56

And, uh, there's a lot of why we were talking about deviant sex the other day. Oh, oh, I know we were talking to, uh, we were, were displaced because of Ian and we went and we stayed with a friend of mine and she's my, she was my first. She's the first, she's my other husband, right? She's the woman who was our really, our first other polyamory relationship when we didn't even know about polyamory. And, um, I don't know what we were talking about, but it was not vanilla sex. It was just something that might be considered deviant, like mutual masturbation might be considered to a person who's only done missionary position with their, yeah. And just having conversations and being willing to talk openly the way that we're willing to talk openly people get to hear our conversations. And I think our conversations are a little. more broad than average conversations. Um, but I think people are dying to talk about these things. They do want to learn and it's up to us to pioneer the conversations and be willing to put ourselves out there.

Ella the Virgin: 32:19

And I agree with you. And again, I've been on, I've been part of this podcast and listening to the, you know, To us, just talk openly for, well, it's been years now and so it took me that long and again, I know just personally from, you know, again, a past life and, you know, I trust her wholeheartedly. So, um, I mean, look what it look, look, look how long it took me. I just think everybody should do it. I, I don't know why about you wouldn't do it.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 32:44

You've known her for years. Yeah. But when you knew her, you weren't talking about this. Oh, no. Not at all. No, no, no, no, no. So just,

Ella the Virgin: 32:52

just since, just since the podcast,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 32:54

but Right. And when I knew her, Mm-Hmm. I was brand new to the lifestyle. Mm-Hmm. And she was just new to her training. So we were talking about it pretty eagerly and often. Mm-Hmm. Mm-Hmm. But. In, you know, sort of hushed whispers and quietly. And I don't know that we had talked then about having a podcast and screaming it from the rooftops, but every with every iteration, it's getting easier and easier to talk. And I'll talk about it anywhere with anybody in public. I like people are embarrassed. to have conversations with me because I'll sit in a restaurant and say, Oh my God, I, my husband and my boyfriend, it was great fun. I listened to my husband have sex. It was so awesome. And people are sitting in the, across from me in conversation, like cringing because I'm fearless about it. Now I'm not going to be embarrassed or, um, quieted. Because sex is fun.

Ella the Virgin: 33:49

Yeah. Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 33:50

I'm willing to celebrate. At least I'm having fun.

Ella the Virgin: 33:55

Yeah. Well, and I and I say it again, I think for couples, all couples, any couples, I mean, You're doing yourself a disservice, even personally, even if it's about selfish. Cause remember when I, when I explained, when I first started this, I went in for us, but then when I went, when he was like, maybe a little bit hesitant, I'm like, it's okay, you know, I'm going to go, I'm going to go have lunch with Jess. I'm going to go meet with Jess. If you'd like to join fine, if not, no big deal. Right. I mean, no harm, no foul. I mean. No big deal. And so I, I did it selfishly kind of for myself at the beginning. And then, um, again, it was, it was the most amazing experience. And again, he was willing and able, but the most amazing sprint. So I think, I think ladies, I think if nothing else. Go get a yoni massage and get, I didn't know, I've heard it a bunch of times on here and I'm like a what and huh and all this. Oh, it's the most amazing experience. It's, again, it's so warm and kind, um, yet, um, yet raw and, um, powerful, kind of all wrapped in one. And I gotta say, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you?

Lisa the Poly Wife: 35:02

I, I said yes to my very first yoni massage to, with a complete stranger. I mean, he just contacted me online and said, Hey, I'm going to be in your area and this is what I do. And here's what you can read about it. And this is what the process is. Are you interested? And I'm like, yeah, I'll try it. Yeah. So it's a being recognizing. That it with the right person. Of course, it's an act of service.

Ella the Virgin: 35:30

Yeah, that's right.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 35:30

It's honestly the very first time, honestly, the very first time that I was put in a position where I was only meant to receive.

Ella the Virgin: 35:43

Yeah, exactly.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 35:45

In my life. There was no expectation of reciprocation. There was no expectation of me doing anything other than

Ella the Virgin: 35:54

enjoying.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 35:55

Yeah.

Ella the Virgin: 35:57

Totally agree with you. And maybe that's, what's so different about it. I mean, maybe, maybe that's, I, I, at this point, yeah,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 36:04

at least from a woman's point of view, I feel like a man wants to perform. Yeah. His performance is contingent also on his.

Ella the Virgin: 36:16

Satisfaction

Lisa the Poly Wife: 36:17

satisfaction, but I am now experimenting with the act of simply receiving in.

Ella the Virgin: 36:31

And that's what I decided

Lisa the Poly Wife: 36:33

I've never done that before I've never, I've never been able to trust that I could receive only receive.

Ella the Virgin: 36:40

And maybe that's, maybe that's in essence what happened. I just received and I said, again, life is too short. You know, come on. I mean, why, why would I, uh, why would I not allow myself to receive and, and enjoy? I think that's the bottom line. I mean, I mean, we all, I mean, I'm entitled to that. Work hard.

Jess the Playful Domme: 37:03

You're absolutely entitled to it. And Lisa, you're brilliant as, as always with your contributions and thoughts and everything, which I love. Um, I, I keep kind of being brought back to the, actually the breast massage as well. So like with. With Ella, I asked, you know, could I, you know, how do you feel about having your breasts massaged? And her partner was like, Oh, she doesn't like that. She doesn't like her breasts being massaged. And Ella was like, yeah, you know, I don't, but you know, I'm, I'm open and I trust you. And, um, And so for, for me to be able to again, show a different experience and pressing my hands, like, um, in like the, you know, the upper breast area. So it's, you know, between the neck and, you know, just a few inches down and just kind of like pressing and moving my hands across and just like how good that felt for Ella and how nourishing that felt and like the stretching piece and then doing different elements of breast massage while Avoiding the nipple. So I'm like, you know, not you doing direct access to that. Um, that, that can be incorporated, but I was just more interested in just helping her feel some very, um, like just some different, um, holds and, and, you know, Uh, uh, I don't know, like grounding strokes, um, around her breasts to help her just feel supported, um, and that it's not coming, I think, I think too, part of the intention, I guess, maybe, is that like, It's not, I know arousal is going to happen, but that's not like my intention. My intention is for your body to feel nourished. My intention is for your body to feel, um, cared for and, um, and be tended to and listened to and attuned. Like that's my intention is to. Attune to your body. So as I was massaging your back and your lower back and you're like, Oh, that feels really good. And like, you know, and it's super helpful because it, it also, I think gives an opportunity for the woman. Cause I also do lots of check ins. How does this feel? And just, do you like this, um, faster, slower, deeper, softer, like, you know what? And so all of these things just kind of like, Add up to a really beautiful opportunity for you to feel your body. And what do I like instead of, instead of being on the receiving end of the, of the stick from, from a man that it's not, he's giving to get. Yeah. And like, that's, that's I think one of the biggest things, and I've said this, I was like, you do need to like put down once a week or once a month, like a, just straight massage evening. Like that's all that's about. There isn't going to be any, and, and your partner actually balked at that because he, he didn't like the thought of, Oh, just arousal and intimacy for the sake of it. And it's not going to lead to sex. He actually didn't like that idea. But I'm curious about what happens if you do, because there's something about rewiring our bodies that allows, I think, a woman's body to open up in a different way when, when it actually knows that sex isn't going to happen. Like that's not going to be the end result that is really just about the connection piece in and of itself. Um, and the nourishing. So

Lisa the Poly Wife: 40:45

I actually have a comment about that because I, I don't know if Johnny is it with you still, but something he said about being attuned. To each other and being really struck me, and, um, I was on a business trip to LA, and I called a former lover that I had met at home, who didn't return to, he was working on the, on a project in Seattle. in Sarasota, and he didn't come back. He was expecting to, but he didn't. And, um, we'd had fun one time, and we kept trying to get together, and it didn't work. And I knew I was going to be out in LA, and I was like, hey, St. Pete, I'm going to be there. And, uh, he's like, I'm in. He was like, yeah, I'd love to see you. And we were together, and We were playing and having fun and we were about to have intercourse. And he was like, Oh, you're definitely not ready yet. And so he's like, let's give some let's give some more attention to you. And I was so shocked that he didn't just like pull out the lube and forces way in and I mean forces way in and in a loving way right but He was like, yep, you're not ready yet. So let's let holy crap. I squirted every I actually packed a pad with me and took it with me because I knew that we might get sloppy. And afterwards, I actually thanked him for taking the time to pay attention to everything. Where I was in the process, because I actually haven't experienced that in a while. Not, not ever, but in a really, yeah. And I think that the, um, and then he was like, I've got some toys if you and I gave him my very first, um, prostate massage. I was, he was just like, I have this toy and you just have to put it in very slightly. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to get him aroused and excited about having this plug in. And so I put my fingers in, he brought gloves and lube and I, it was a fantastic experience. And it was because we took the time to pay attention to what each other's needs were to have the most positive experience. And it was, It was really, really great. So I was very, um, excited to have been with a partner who was really seeking my pleasure in a way that was good for me, not. For his end. Right. It was, it was really great. It was wonderful.

Jess the Playful Domme: 43:38

Oh my goodness. Well, by the time this podcast publishes, uh, I should have a, a couples intimacy touch training available for people to like check out and, you know, and all of that stuff, because at the end of the day, you know, I, I am so. So committed because I see what's happening in the world and how much our nuclear families are being torn apart, how much couples are being torn apart. It's like part of like a narrative piece that I just don't, I, I, I refuse. Refuse to fall into that paradigm and that way of being. And I stand for freedom of couples in whatever form that looks like, but deeply in connection. And, um, and if, and if it's meant to be like, I, I just, I'm honored by the opportunity. So thank you all so much for listening. Ella, thank you for sharing your story. story. I'm so, I'm so happy that like it lived, it lived up to the, the hope that you had of

Ella the Virgin: 44:43

beyond expectations, like beyond, beyond expectations. And again, so warm and so So I guess I can't, I can't describe it. So warm and so nurturing and so just felt amazing. I just wish I could, I can't really even describe it. Everybody's just got to go through it. So

Jess the Playful Domme: 45:07

yeah. for trusting me. And, um, it's just such an, such an honor. I can't say it enough. And, um, so much love to all of our listeners for taking the time and yeah, if anything, we share in our podcasts. Sparks interest and desire and curiosity in you. The, the easiest way to do it is be like, Oh my God, I just listened to this thing. And I heard that that, and like, Oh my gosh, like you got to give it a listen. Like, what do you think? And, you know, and it can be, um, a conversation starter or can be a planting the seeds, you know, like Lisa and Ella can both attest. It takes time, you know, it takes time to warm up to it. To new possibilities and there's no need to, to jump a partner before they're ready into a new experience. But, you know, if they're willing to go a little bit outside their comfort zone and test the edges a little bit, then, you know, we're, we're here to be the Sherpas to help you along the path. So thank you all so much for listening. Can't wait to see you again. Bye for now. Want more? Head over to the playfulpodcast. com for all the juicy things we have to offer. From there you can join our community where you can get access to after hours, attend upcoming workshops and events, and even book a session. Bye for now.